I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
