I think my fart just growled at me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
