My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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