remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
