He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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