Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you didnt know i had herpes?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
