quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
