allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nicole vs. Life
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
