and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
