Just fell off a train. Bad.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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