Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize