after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
