I'm really into asian looking animals
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize