the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
