Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
