you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
