The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
