Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we're making bets on your personal life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
