I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
