Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
