all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
