it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
