why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
