So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
