I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My feet surprised me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
try to milk me bitch
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