Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
