Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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