You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
