new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
