I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
