Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
