He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
