quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
