I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
