every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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