i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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