So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
