She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
