There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize