Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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