i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
