i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
