R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
