you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
