you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
