I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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