My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
