would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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