I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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