Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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