this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
