I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
