I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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