dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Text me some of your sweat
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
