I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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