it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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