if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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