Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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