season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
