do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
