Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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