Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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