Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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