I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
