Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
