epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you win again, gameday.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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