I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
