what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
