btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
