she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
