I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize