Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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