i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
