I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
